Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Dreams and their meanings

Dreaming of acorns predicts pleasant things & that much gain is to be expected.
For a woman to dream of eating acorns denotes that she will rise to a position of ease & pleasure.
To dream of shaking acorns from a tree means that you will rapidly attain your wishes in business or love.
In a dream the sight of a busy airport represents the desire for freedom and/or travel.
If the airport is empty and deserted your own travel plans will be changed or delayed.
If you see almonds in your dream you'll have a temporary sorrow.
If you ate and enjoyed them, you'll be lucky, but if they tasted bitter, you should delay any contemplated changes for as long as possible.
A favorable dream forecasting success, protection, happiness, and rewarding friendships.
To see a baby in your dream signifies innocence, warmth and new beginnings. A love affair may be blooming for you in your near future. You will also make new and fun friends.
If a woman dreams she is nursing a baby, she will be deceived by the one she trusts the most
Seeing balloons in your dream indicates a dashing of hope on any and all fronts, business or love, as well as a general falling off of all kinds of businesses you may be involved in.
If you are ascending in a balloon this is an omen of especially frustrating conditions in your life.
To dream of killing a bear foretells liberation from entanglements.
To dream of a clean, white bed denotes the end of worries.
If a woman dreams of making a bed, there will soon be a new lover in her life.
To dream of riding a bicycle uphill signifies bright prospects.
To dream of riding downhill calls for care - misfortune is near.
Flying birds are a sign of prosperity to the dreamer.
If you dream of death it's a sign of a birth, if you dream of birth, it's a sign of death.
To see a butterfly among flowers indicates prosperity.
To see butterflies flying around denotes news from absent friends by letter or from someone who has seen them.
To see candles burning with a clear and steady flame denotes the constancy of those around you and a well-grounded fortune.
Dreaming of a cat is a generally unfortunate omen and it shows treachery as well as a run of bad luck.
Cats attacking you represent enemies; if you succeed banishing them you will overcome great obstacles and rise in fortune and fame.
Seeing a crow in your dream means disappointment in everything, grief and misfortune.
To dream of a crown predicts a change in your life. The dreamer will travel a long distance from home & form new relationships.
If you dream of death it's a sign of a birth, if you dream of birth, it's a sign of death.
To dream that you are dancing means that some unexpected good fortune will come to you.
If you should dream of a deceased person and this person speaks only to you, pay close attention to what the spirit is telling you as it could be very important to you.
To dream of seeing a deceased person is normally a dream of warning, and it tells you that the influences around you at this time do not bode well for your affairs, and you should not enter into any binding contracts or verbal agreements.
To dream of owning diamonds is a very promising dream signifying great honor and recognition from high places.
To dream about a dog indicates great gain and constant friends.
To hear the barking of dogs foretells news of depressing nature. Difficulties are more likely to follow.
If you dream that a dragonfly lands on your body then you will have excellent news from someone far away from home.
If you see a dead dragonfly, then the news will be bad.
A dragonfly perched gracefully on some other object shows that you will soon be having guests that may be hard to get rid of.
If you dream that you are driving a vehicle it is a sign that you should be careful to take no chances with your money, such as gambling, in the next two weeks or so.
If someone else is doing the driving you will find yourself in luck, money wise.
To dream of a smiling face signifies pleasant new friends, experiences, and/or financial gains.
To dream of unpleasant or grotesque (unless amusingly so) faces portend loss.
To dream you are washing your face denotes a necessity to atone for some past indiscretion; better make amends!
To see the faces of strangers signifies an approaching change of residence.
To dream of falling indicates a loss of emotional equilibrium or self-control. It may represent your insecurity, a lack of self-confidence, a fear of failure or an inability to cope with a situation.
If you fall a long distance in your dream and get hurt, be prepared for really hard times ahead; but if you fall and are not injured your upsets will be minor and temporary.
To dream that you are confronted or threatened by a gang signifies circumstances or situations in your waking life which are overwhelming and you feel have ganged up on you.
To see a vegetable garden in your dream symbolizes increased prosperity will come your way through diligence and care. It also suggests of stability and inner growth.
To see a flower garden in your dream foretells of tranquility, comfort, true love and happy home in your future.
To see a sparse, weed-infested garden denotes that you have neglected your spiritual needs.
To dream of gloves means that you will have a lawsuit or business troubles, but you will settle them in a manner that satisfies you.
To find a pair of gloves denotes a marriage or new love affair.
Dreaming about hair means that you are careless in your personal affairs and will lose advancement by neglecting mental application.
For a woman to dream of going to a hairdresser shows she will soon be entangled in some family scandal concerning the morals of a member of her family. Should she have her hair dyed, she will narrowly escape imprisonment.
For a man to dream of a hairdresser will presage much gossip or a need to dominate a beautiful woman.
If you dream of eating ham then you will lose something that means a lot to you.
To dream of eating honey foretells that you will attain wealth and love.
Sitting on ice in your dreams is a dream of the contrary.
Eating, making, selling or serving ice cream suggests that you are feeling contentment and satisfaction in your life.
To dream that your lover is in jail signifies that this lover is deceitful and untrustworthy.
To dream that you are in jail signifies your feelings of confinement and suffocation.
If you dream of eating jam you will suffer embarrassment at the hands of a woman through no fault of your own.
Seeing a kangaroo in your dreams foretells unexpected and exciting trips.
To dream of keys denotes unexpected change. If the keys are lost, unpleasant adventures will affect you. To find keys means domestic peace and success in business.
If you dreamed of killing someone, whether intentionally or by accident, it signifies a period of severe emotional stress during which you must make a heroic effort to control your temper.
To dream of receiving a letter from a friend foretells their arrival or that you will hear from them soon.
A light shining out of the dark, or a flashlight beam, shows that you will finally find the truth in a situation or the answer to a personal problem that you have been searching for. If the light is dim, you will only find part of the solution.
Any form of magic in a dream predicts unexpected changes.
To dream of being mystified and/or amused by a magician indicates a reunion with a long-lost friend or the rekindling of a past love affair.
Dreaming of a marriage, or a wedding, is the sign of a death in the family. If the marriage was between strangers, then the death pertains to a not too close acquaintance or friend.
Dreaming of mice foretells domestic troubles or that business affairs will assume a discouraging tone.
If you dream of a mouse jumping on you or getting in your clothing, then you will be involved in a scandal with a friend.
To dream of a monkey denotes that you have deceitful friends who will flatter you to advance their own interests.
A dream featuring the neck is a sign of approaching money, unless the dream concerned a broken neck, in which case it is a warning against mismanagement of your affairs.
If you dream of losing a necklace you will soon be suffering bereavement of a loved one.
If you dream your loved one places a necklace around your neck or that you are wearing one, it shows an early marriage and a happy domestic life.
To find a needle predicts that you will have friends who appreciate you.
To look for a needle foretells useless worries.
To dream of an old, spreading oak means long life and prosperity. If it is filled with acorns you are due a promotion or some type of increase in your life.
If a newlywed sees many oak trees in a forest it foretells a long marriage and many children.
If you dream you are standing on shore and watching the waves foam up as they break over the beach foretells that you will have some narrow escape from an accidental injury.
If you are far out on the ocean and hear the waves as they lap against the hull of the ship, you will have setbacks in your business and a troubled domestic scene.
To sail on a calm ocean is always a good omen for all concerned.
To dream of an owl denotes a narrow escape from desperate illness or death.
To dream of a raccoon warns you to be on your guard.. To see a raccoon in your dream shows that people are presenting false faces to you in your everyday life.
To be chased by a raccoon shows that a person you thought a friend has turned on you and now works behind your back for your downfall.
Take this dream as a warning. Take precautions, protect yourself emotionally and physically and don't engage in careless behaviors.
If a woman dreams of receiving a rose and places it in her hair then will she be deceived by someone thought of as a good friend.
If she receives a bouquet of roses in the Springtime she will find true love but if it is winter her search will be fruitless.
To see a rose bush in full foliage denotes a wedding in the family.
Dream of running: a sign of a big change in your life.
To see a lone snake and feel threatened by it shows that you have a bad enemy that is working against you, it also a warning against bodily harm from an enemy.
To dream of many snakes in a pit is the foreboding of much bad luck in love or business.
Should you overcome and kill a threatening snake in your dream shows that you will overcome your adversary and win out.
All spiders except tarantulas are omens of good luck. The larger the spider, the bigger the rewards.
If you see a spider climbing the wall you will have your dearest wish come true.
If you see a spider spinning a web you will have an increase in your income due to hard work.
If you dream you are a tattoo artist and you are tattooing someone's body you will soon break with friends or family over strange practices.
If you dream you are the one being tattooed you will become the target for a strangers jealousy but if you see someone else with tattoos then you will take a long, hard journey from home.
To dream that you are thirsty for tea means that you will be surprised with uninvited guests.
If you dream of having false teeth this indicates that you will have unexpected help on a problem.
To dream of rotten teeth shows that you have been telling someone a lie or using your smooth words for getting your own way.
If your teeth are rotten, crooked, and/or falling out this means that your lies are hurting someone very badly and that you will soon be found out.
If you dream you have swallowed a tooth you will soon have too 'eat your words'
Carrying a closed umbrella in the rain is highly unfortunate for the dreamer and his business plans.
To dream of carrying an open umbrella in the rain is a very fortunate sign that speaks of good luck in most endeavors.
A leaky umbrella denotes quarrels with loved ones.
Dreaming of clear water is a sign of great good luck and prosperity, a dream of muddy water foretells sadness or sorry for the dreamer through hearing of an illness or death of someone he/she knows well.
Dirty water warns of unscrupulous people who would bring you to ruin.
To dream of yarn shows you will soon become the wife of a wealthy man.

Thursday, September 18, 2008


An acorn should be carried to bring luck and ensure a long life.
An acorn at the window will keep lightning out

Amber beads, worn as a necklace, can protect against illness or cure colds.

Seeing an ambulance is very unlucky unless you pinch your nose or hold your breath until you see a black or a brown dog.
Touch your toes
Touch your nose
Never go in one of those
Until you see a dog.

Think of five or six names of boys or girls you might marry, As you twist the stem of an apple, recite the names until the stem comes off. You will marry the person whose name you were saying when the stem fell off.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
If you cut an apple in half and count how many seeds are inside, you will also know how many children you will have.

To predict the sex of a baby: Suspend a wedding band held by a piece of thread over the palm of the pregnant girl. If the ring swings in an oval or circular motion the baby will be a girl. If the ring swings in a straight line the baby will be a boy.

Spit on a new bat before using it for the first time to make it lucky

It's bad luck to put a hat on a bed.
If you make a bedspread, or a quilt, be sure to finish it or marriage will never come to you
Placing a bed facing north and south brings misfortune.
You must get out of bed on the same side that you get in or you will have bad luck.
When making the bed, don't interrupt your work, or you will spend a restless night in it.

If a bee enters your home, it's a sign that you will soon have a visitor. If you kill the bee, you will have bad luck, or the visitor will be unpleasant.
A swarm of bees settling on a roof is an omen that the house will burn down.

The sound of bells drives away demons because they're afraid of the loud noise.
When a bell rings, a new angel has received his wings.

A bird in the house is a sign of a death.
If a robin flies into a room through a window, death will shortly follow.

Monday's child is fair of face;
Tuesday's child is full of grace;
Wednesday's child is full of woe;
Thursday's child has far to go;
Friday's child is loving and giving;
Saturday's child works hard for a living.
But the child that is born on the Sabbath day
is fair and wise, good and gay.

If you blow out all the candles on your birthday cake with the first puff you will get your wish.

The Blarney Stone is a stone set in the wall of the Blarney Castle tower in the Irish village of Blarney. Kissing the stone is supposed to bring the kisser the gift of persuasive eloquence (blarney.)

To protect yourself from witches, wear a blue bead.
Touch blue
And your wish
Will come true.

Before slicing a new loaf of bread, make the sign of the cross on it.
A loaf of bread should never be turned upside down after a slice has been cut from it.

If you say good-bye to a friend on a bridge, you will never see each other again.

Do not lean a broom against a bed. The evil spirits in the broom will cast a spell on the bed.
If you sweep trash out the door after dark, it will bring a stranger to visit.
If someone is sweeping the floor and sweeps over your feet, you'll never get married.
Never take a broom along when you move. Throw it out and buy a new one.
To prevent an unwelcome guest from returning, sweep out the room they stayed in immediately after they leave.

If the first butterfly you see in the year is white, you will have good luck all year.
Three butterflies together mean good luck.

If a candle lighted as part of a ceremony blows out, it is a sign that evil spirits are nearby.

If the first calf born during the winter is white, the winter will be a bad one.

If a black cat walks towards you, it brings good fortune, but if it walks away, it takes the good luck with it.
Keep cats away from babies because they "suck the breath" of the child.
A cat onboard a ship is considered to bring luck.

If your cheeks suddenly feel on fire, someone is talking about you.

If you get a chill up your back or goose bumps, it means that someone is walking over your grave.

It's very lucky to meet a chimney sweep by chance. Make a wish when sighting one and the wish will come true.

It is bad luck to light three cigarettes with the same match.

Evil spirits can't harm you when you stand inside a circle.

If a clock which has not been working suddenly chimes, there will be a death in the family.

It's good luck to find a four-leaf clover.
Clover protects human beings and animals from the spell of magicians and the wiles of fairies, and brings good luck to those who keep it in the house.

It's bad luck to pick up a coin if it's tails side up. Good luck comes if it's heads up.

To drop a comb while you are combing your hair is a sign of a coming disappointment.

To cure a cough: take a hair from the coughing person's head, put it between two slices of buttered bread, feed it to a dog, and say, "Eat well you hound, may you be sick and I be sound."

Cows lifting their tails are a sure sign that rain is coming.

Don't step on a crack on a sidewalk or walkway.
Step on a crack
Break your mother's back.

A cricket in the house brings good luck.

One's bad,
Two's luck,
Three's health,
Four's wealth,
Five's sickness,
Six is death.

Pick a dandelion that has gone to seed. Take a deep breath and blow the seeds into the wind. Count the seeds that remain on the stem. That is the number of children you will have.

A dog howling at night when someone in the house is sick is a bad omen.

It's bad luck to leave a house through a different door than the one used to come into it.

If your right ear itches, someone is speaking well of you.
If your left ear itches, someone is speaking ill of you.
Left for love and right for spite:
Left or right, good at night

For good luck throughout the year, wear new clothes on Easter.

Pictures of an elephant bring luck, but only if they face a door.

If your right eye twitches there will soon be a birth in the family. If the left eye twitches there will soon be a death in the family.
To cure a sty, stand at a crossroads and recite
Sty, sty, leave my eye
Take the next one coming by.

If an eyelash falls out, put it on the back of the hand, make a wish and throw it over your shoulder. If it flies off the hand the wish will be granted.

It is bad luck to cut your fingernails on Friday or Sunday.
Fingernail cuttings should be saved, burned, or buried.

A fish should always be eaten from the head toward the tail.
Dream of fish: someone you know is pregnant.

Throw back the first fish you catch then you'll be lucky the whole day fishing.
If you count the number of fish you caught, you will catch no more that day.
It's bad luck to say the word "pig" while fishing at sea.

It brings bad luck for a flag to touch the ground.

First Flower of Spring: The day you find the first flower of the season can be used as an omen:
Monday means good fortune,
Tuesday means greatest attempts will be successful,
Wednesday means marriage,
Thursday means warning of small profits,
Friday means wealth,
Saturday means misfortune,
Sunday means excellent luck for weeks.

If the bottom of your right foot itches, you are going to take a trip.

To drop a fork means a man is coming to visit.

A bed changed on Friday will bring bad dreams.
Any ship that sails on Friday will have bad luck.
You should never start a trip on Friday or you will meet misfortune.
Never start to make a garment on Friday unless you can finish it the same day.

How did Friday the thirteenth become such an unlucky day?
Fear of Friday the 13th is rooted in ancient, separate bad-luck associations with the number 13 and the day Friday. The two unlucky entities combine to make one super unlucky day.
There is a Norse myth about 12 gods having a dinner party at Valhalla, their heaven. In walked the uninvited 13th guest, the mischievous Loki. Once there, Loki arranged for Hoder, the blind god of darkness, to shoot Balder the Beautiful, the god of joy and gladness, with a mistletoe-tipped arrow. Balder died and the Earth got dark. The whole Earth mourned.
There is a Biblical reference to the unlucky number 13. Judas, the apostle who betrayed Jesus, was the 13th guest to the Last Supper.
A particularly bad Friday the 13th occurred in the middle ages. On a Friday the 13th in 1306, King Philip of France arrested the revered Knights Templar and began torturing them, marking the occasion as a day of evil.
In ancient Rome, witches reportedly gathered in groups of 12. The 13th was believed to be the devil.
Both Friday and the number 13 were once closely associated with capital punishment. In British tradition, Friday was the conventional day for public hangings, and there were supposedly 13 steps leading up to the noose.
It is traditionally believed that Eve tempted Adam with the apple on a Friday. Tradition also has it that the Flood in the Bible, the confusion at the Tower of Babel, and the death of Jesus Christ all took place on Friday.
Numerologists consider 12 a "complete" number. There are 12 months in a year, 12 signs of the zodiac, 12 gods of Olympus, 12 labours of Hercules, 12 tribes of Israel, and 12 apostles of Jesus. In exceeding 12 by 1, 13's association with bad luck has to do with just being a little beyond completeness.
More than 80 percent of high-rises lack a 13th floor.
Many airports skip the 13th gate.
Airplanes have no 13th aisle.
Hospitals and hotels regularly have no room number 13.
Italians omit the number 13 from their national lottery.
On streets in Florence, Italy, the house between number 12 and 14 is addressed as 12 and a half.
Many cities do not have a 13th Street or a 13th Avenue
In France, socialites known as the quatorziens (fourteeners) once made themselves available as 14th guests to keep a dinner party from an unlucky fate.
Many triskaidekaphobes, as those who fear the unlucky integer are known, point to the ill-fated mission to the moon, Apollo 13.
If you have 13 letters in your name, you will have the devil's luck . Jack the Ripper, Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, Theodore Bundy and Albert De Salvo all have 13 letters in their names.

A frog brings good luck to the house it enters.
The dried body of a frog worn in a silk bag around the neck averts epilepsy and other fits.

(The Friday before Easter)A child born on Good Friday and baptized on Easter Sunday has a gift of healing. If a boy, he should go into the ministry.
Cut your hair on Good Friday to prevent headaches in the year to come
A person who dies on Good Friday will go right to heaven.
Shed no blood on Good Friday, work no wood, hammer no nail.

Pulling out a grey or white hair will cause ten more to grow in its place.

If the palm of your right hand itches it means you will soon be getting money.
If the palm of your left hand itches it means you will soon be paying out money.

A horseshoe, hung above the doorway, will bring good luck to a home. In most of Europe protective horseshoes are placed in a downward facing position, but in some parts of Ireland and Britain people believe that the shoes must be turned upward or "the luck will run out."
A horseshoe hung in the bedroom will keep nightmares away.

If your nose itches you will soon be kissed by a fool.
If your nose itches
Your mouth is in danger.
You'll kiss a fool,
And meet a stranger.
Rub an itch to wood
It will come to good.

Ivy growing on a house protects the inhabitants from witchcraft and evil.

A knife as a gift from a lover means that the love will soon end.
A knife placed under the bed during childbirth will ease the pain of labour.
If a friend gives you a knife, you should give him a coin, or your friendship will soon be broken.
It will cause a quarrel if knives are crossed at the table.
It is bad luck to close a pocket knife unless you were the one who opened it.
Knife falls, gentleman calls;
Fork falls, lady calls;
Spoon falls, baby calls.

It's bad luck to leave a project unfinished. The intended recipient will get bad luck from the unfinished item.
Stabbing your needles though your yarn balls brings bad luck to anyone who wears something made from that yarn.
Don't knit a pair of socks for your boyfriend or he'll walk away from you.
If you knit one of your own hairs into a garment, it will bind the recipient to you.
Knitting for children you may have in the future, but before you are pregnant, is bad luck (it may prevent one from getting pregnant, or bring ill health to the baby).

It is bad luck to walk under a ladder.

If a young girl catches a ladybug and then releases it, the direction in which it flies away will be the direction from which her future husband will come.
It is bad luck to kill a ladybug.
Ladybug, ladybug, fly away home.
Your house is on fire,
Your children all roam.

If you catch a falling leaf on the first day of autumn you will not catch a cold all winter.

Lettuce is believed to have magical and healing properties, including the power to arouse love and counteract the effects of wine.
Lettuce promotes child bearing if eaten by young women, and certain types of salad can bring on labour in pregnant women.

Cross my heart and hope to die,
Cut my throat if I tell a lie.

To dream of a lizard is a sign that you have a secret enemy.

Mandrake is a mysterious plant believed to have powers of preventing sterility in men and animals, causing barren women to bear children, and compelling love.
Mandrake is thought to have aphrodisiac and fertilizing properties.
Clairvoyants use mandrake to increase their visions to enable them to see strange and wonderful things.

It's bad luck to let milk boil over.

To break a mirror means 7 years bad luck.
It is unlucky to see your face in a mirror by candlelight.
A mirror should be covered during a thunderstorm because it attracts lightning.
If a mirror in the house falls and breaks by itself, someone in the house will die soon.

Mistletoe in the house protects it from thunder and lightning. It also cures many diseases, is an antidote to poison and brings good luck and fertility.
A girl standing under mistletoe cannot refuse to be kissed by anyone who claims the privilege.

A white moth inside the house or trying to enter the house means death.

If your nose itches, someone is coming to see you. If it's the right nostril, the visitor will be a female, left nostril, male.

An onion cut in half and placed under the bed of a sick person will draw off fever and poisons.
A wish will come true if you make it while burning onions.

Unless you were born in October, it's unlucky to wear opals.

It is bad luck to see an owl in the sunlight.

If you use the same pencil to take a test that you used for studying for the test, the pencil will remember the answers.

If you spill pepper you will have a serious argument with your best friend.

If 3 people are photographed together, the one in the middle will die first.

A rabbit's foot will bring luck and protect the owner from evil spirits if carried in the pocket.

A rainbow in the Eastern sky,
The morrow will be fine and dry.
A rainbow in the West that gleams,
Rain tomorrow falls in streams.

To kill a raven is to harm the spirit of King Arthur who visits the world in the form of a raven.

A red ribbon should be placed on a child who has been sick to keep the illness from returning.

A wish made upon seeing the first robin in spring will come true - but only if you complete the wish before the robin flies away.

If you leave a rocking chair rocking when empty, it invites evil spirits to come into your house to sit in the rocking chair.

Rosemary planted by the doorstep will keep witches away.

Bad luck will follow the spilling of salt unless a pinch is thrown over the left shoulder into the face of the devil waiting there.
Put salt on the doorstep of a new house and no evil can enter.
Salty soup is a sign that the cook is in love.

If you drop scissors, it means your lover is being unfaithful to you.

Three seagulls flying together, directly overhead, are a warning of death soon to come.

To break a mirror brings seven years of bad luck. The cure: to bury the pieces, or run them in a stream.
The seventh son of a seventh son has magic powers, according to Irish folklore, but is a vampire in Romanian legend.

Do not place shoes upon a table, for this will bring bad luck for the day, cause trouble with your mate and you might even lose your job as a result.
It's bad luck to leave shoes upside down.

If you sing before seven, you will cry before eleven.

You sleep best with your head to the north and your feet to the south.

Place a hand in front of your mouth when sneezing. Your soul may escape otherwise.
The devil can enter your body when you sneeze. Having someone say, "God bless you," drives the devil away.
If you sneeze on a Monday, you sneeze for danger;
Sneeze on a Tuesday, kiss a stranger;
Sneeze on a Wednesday, sneeze for a letter;
Sneeze on a Thursday, something better;
Sneeze on a Friday, sneeze for sorrow;
Sneeze on a Saturday, see your sweetheart tomorrow.
Sneeze on a Sunday, and the devil will have domination over you all week.

One for sorrow
Two for joy
Three for a letter
Four for a boy.
Five for silver
Six for gold
Seven for a secret, never to be told

Sparrows carry the souls of the dead; it's unlucky to kill one.

Seeing a spider run down a web in the afternoon means you'll take a trip.
A spider is a repellent against plague when worn around the neck in a walnut shell.

All wishes on shooting stars come true.
Star light, star bright
First star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight

A swan's feather, sewed into the husband's pillow, will ensure fidelity.

If 13 people sit down at a table to eat, one of them will die before the year is over.

If you bite your tongue while eating, it is because you have recently told a lie.

Dropping an umbrella on the floor means that there will be a murder in the house.
It's bad luck to open an umbrella inside the house, especially if you put it over your head.

If a woman sees a robin flying overhead on Valentine's Day, it means she will marry a sailor. If she sees a sparrow, she will marry a poor man and be very happy. If she sees a goldfinch, she will marry a millionaire.

A bride's veil protects her from evil spirits who are jealous of happy people.

A watermelon will grow in your stomach if you swallow a watermelon seed.

Red sky at night,
Sailor's delight.
Red sky at morning
Sailors take warning

Rain, rain, go away,
Come again another day.
Rain on the green grass
Rain on the hillside,
But not on me.

Knock three times on wood after mentioning good fortune so evil spirits won't ruin it.

All windows should be opened at the moment of death so that the soul can leave.

If you make a wish while throwing a coin into a well or fountain, the wish will come true.
Wish I may,
Wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight.
If you tell someone your wish, it won't come true.

Two people pull apart the dried breastbone of a chicken or turkey until it cracks and breaks, each one making a wish while doing so. The person who gets the long half of the wishbone will have his or her wish come true.

The number of Xs in the palm of your right hand is the number of children you will have.

A yawn is a sign that danger is near.
Cover your mouth when you yawn, or your soul can go out of your body along with the yawn.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Naming Hurricans

Andrew, Klaus, Hugo, Betsy, Bob and Hilda... The list is as long as an oversized primary school class register.

But these little darlings never kissed you goodbye or demanded expensive trainers.

What do they have in common? Well, believe it or not, they are all retired hurricane names. Along with Gracie, Roxanne, Marilyn, Joan and Carmen, the likes of Hugo, Betsy and Bob have all in their day caused so much damage that the World's Meteorological Organisations have, forever, retired their names from official lists of hurricane and tropical storm names.

What am I talking about? Monsters of destruction, like Hurricane Andrew which hit the Florida Peninsula in August 1992, moved into the Gulf of Mexico and up through the Louisiana coast. Andrew was the most costly US storm on record...Andrew was the most costly US storm on record with total losses of $26.5 billion, $1 billion of which was in Louisiana while the rest was in Florida. Winds gusted at over 175mph and had sustained strengths of 145mph. At least 180,000 people were left homeless, 126,000 homes destroyed or damaged, over 50 people killed as a direct or indirect effect of the storm and at least 10,400 injured.

How does something with such monstrous potential acquire such an innocuous name?

Well, let’s go back to the beginning. Tropical cyclones, (or tropical storms) (wind speeds between 39mph and 74 mph) or hurricanes (wind speeds of 75mph and above) form within seven regions around the world called 'basins'.

As there can be 100 or so storms a year meteorologists need a means of identifying individual storms to avoid confusion, especially as one or more storms may be followed and charted by many meteorologists simultaneously.

Early naming strategies were informal and individualistic in their approach. For several hundred years in the Caribbean, hurricanes were named after the saints’ day on which they occurred. For example "Hurricane San Felipe" struck Puerto Rico on 13 September 1876. Later, latitude and longitude were used, but this was found to be complicated and more prone to error.

According to one report the first use of a proper name for a tropical storm was by an Australian forecaster in the early part of last century, who reputedly named his storms after politicians that he didn't like. Maybe that's an approach that deserves a come back!

During World War II however, it was loved ones who provided the inspiration for the name game. US Army Air Corp and Navy meteorologists affectionately christened storms with female names after their wives and loved ones - imagine, "Hurricane Hotlips hits Florida" or "Peaches has petered out in the Pacific"!

By 1950 the first formal name strategy was in place for North Atlantic cyclones. The storms took their names from the phonetic alphabet of the time (Able-Baker-Charlie-etc) and this continued until 1952. In 1953 the US Weather Bureau decided to switch to female first names and finally included male first names in the list in 1979. The letters Q, U, X, Y, and Z are not used because few names begin with these letters.

There are six lists that are used in rotation; the list for each year is arranged in alphabetical order, with alternating male and female names. If more than 21 storms should occur in any season, then there is an 'unlikely' reserve list that uses the Greek alphabet. This gives the World Meteorological Organization 24 more names to work with, so additional seasonal storms can be named as Alpha, Beta, Gamma etc.

The naming of cyclones today continues in much the same vein. Each Basin or region has an agreed list of names - the applications of which vary slightly. For instance, cyclones in the Atlantic basin and in the Eastern Pacific give the first storm of each year an 'A' name. Whereas the year's first cyclone in the Central Pacific takes the next name on the list regardless of which letter it starts with. Of course, if a storm should wander from one basin region into another it will be rewarded with a new name from that region. There's no wonder some of these storms are angry - they could have huge identity crises.

See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lists_of_tropical_cyclone_names for hurricane names

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

20 Most Annoying Things

1.) Slow modems/ dial-up Internet

2.) Waiting in the doctor's office for what seems like hours (I guess that's why we're called "patients!")

3.) Pop-up advertisements on web pages.

4.) Infomercials (Just when you think they're over, the announcer says ("But wait, there's more!")

5.) Telemarketers, especially the ones who keep calling even after you've asked them to remove you from their calling list.

6.) Rude/inconsiderate/insensitive people.

7.) Having an itch on your back that wont go away or is just out of your reach.

8.) Bugs, spiders, and other ugly, slimy, multi-legged creatures.

9.) When someone is walking in front of you and they suddenly stop, or when someone is walking too closely behind you and they step on your heels.

10.) People that join in your conversations when you weren't talking to them.

11.) When someone is talking to you and they either have bad breath, they spit when they talk, or they talk so loud they're practically making you go deaf.

12.) Elderly drivers who look at the scenery and drive 30 km/h in front of you.

13.) People who pass you in a hurry and then slow down once they get in front of you.

14.) Being short, or as I like to call it, "vertically challenged," and not being able to reach things or see over people.

15.) People who lie or are two-faced.

16.) People who don't know when to stop talking, or interrupt you when you're talking.

17.) People who stare.

18.) People who pry or poke their nose into your private matters just because they feel that they have the right to know, or are "just curious."

19.) People who wont admit that they're wrong, especially after they've been proved wrong and still insist that they're right.

20.) How my dog always seems to have to go outside as soon as we sit down to dinner.

Darwin Awards - Laugh at ourselves

Most of these were found at Darwin.com

Bizarre Death

1994 Urban Legend

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS, President Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story:

On March 23,1994 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten story building intending to commit suicide. He left a note to that effect, indicating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window which killed him instantly.

Neither the shooter nor the descender was aware that a safety net had been installed just below at the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.

"Ordinarily," Dr. Mills continued, "a person who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended, is still defined as committing suicide."

That Mr. Opus was shot on the way to certain death, but probably would not have been successful because of the safety net, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands. The room on the ninth floor, whence the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window, striking Mr. Opus.

When one intends to kill subject A but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B. When confronted with the murder charge the old man and his wife were both adamant. They both said they thought the shotgun was unloaded. Thed old man said it was his long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

Now comes the exquisite twist. Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window. The son had actually murdered himself so the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

The Bricklayer
1998 Urban Legend
Accident Report

This one needs an introduction, so you won't be lost at the beginning. This man was in an accident at work, so he filled out an insurance claim. The insurance company contacted him and asked for more information. This was his response:

"I am writing in response to your request for additional information, for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient. I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80-foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now unneeded tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using the pulley attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower. Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 300 pounds of tools."

"You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh only 155 pounds. Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of tools hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel."

"Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed approximately 20 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, and the lacerations of my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of tools and, fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools, in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind. I let go of the rope..."

Stirring Up the Wasp Nest
A Personal Account

James, who works in a geology lab, and who can tell you the petrogenetic peculiarities of low-alkali tholeiitic basalt after hydrothermal alteration. But our hero James recently demonstrated that there is a significant difference between intelligence and common sense.

While casting about for ways to rid himself of a pesky wasp nest, his eye fell upon his trusty Dirt Devil vacuum cleaner. Armed with this fearsome weapon, James attacked the wasp nest. He sucked up all the wasps, who buzzed angrily as they struggled in vain against the wind-tunnel. The dustbag was soon alive with their buzzing.

James now found that he had a new problem: to wit, a vacuum cleaner bag full of live, disgruntled wasps. He had to find a way to kill them before he could safely turn off the vacuum. And while his previous idea was merely ill-considered, his next was a masterpiece of moronity.

He held the vacuum tube in one hand, a can of RAID in the other, and proceeded to spray the insecticide into the vacuum. What our smart young scientist failed to remember is that aerosols are flammable, and vacuum cleaner motors generate heat. The resulting explosion removed his facial hair, and scattered the dusty, angry contents of the Dirt Devil all over the vicinity.

Adding insult to injury, James was not the only one to survive with minor injuries. The wasps proceeded to vent their spleen upon the exposed (and slightly scorched) skin of the scientist, who referred to the episode as "an unfortunate lapse in calculation of consequences."

Thursday, April 10, 2008

History of Cell Phone

April 3, 2003 marked the 30th anniversary of the first public telephone call placed on a portable cellular phone. Martin Cooper ( now chairman, CEO, and co-founder of ArrayComm Inc) placed that call on April 3, 1973, while general manager of Motorola's Communications Systems Division. It was the incarnation of his vision for personal wireless communications, distinct from cellular car phones. That first call, placed to Cooper's rival at AT&T's Bell Labs from the streets of New York City, caused a fundamental technology and communications market shift toward the person and away from the place.

"People want to talk to other people - not a house, or an office, or a car. Given a choice, people will demand the freedom to communicate wherever they are, unfettered by the infamous copper wire.

It is that freedom we sought to vividly demonstrate in 1973," said Martin Cooper.

Martin Cooperadded, "As I walked down the street while talking on the phone, sophisticated New Yorkers gaped at the sight of someone actually moving around while making a phone call. Remember that in 1973, there weren't cordless telephones, let alone cellular phones. I made numerous calls, including one where I crossed the street while talking to a New York radio reporter - probably one of the more dangerous things I have ever done in my life."

Following the April 3, 1973, public demonstration, using a "brick"-like 30-ounce phone, Cooper started the 10-year process of bringing the portable cell phone to market. Motorola introduced the 16-ounce "DynaTAC" phone into commercial service in 1983, with each phone costing the consumer $3,500. It took seven additional years before there were a million subscribers in the United States. Today, there are more cellular subscribers than wireline phone subscribers in the world, with mobile phones weighing as little as 3 ounces.

Martin Cooper Today

Martin Cooper's role in conceiving and developing the first portable cellular phone directly impacted his choice to found and lead ArrayComm, a wireless technology and systems company founded in 1992. ArrayComm's core adaptive antenna technology increases the capacity and coverage of any cellular system, while significantly lowering costs and making speech more reliable. This technology addresses what Cooper calls "the unfulfilled promise" of cellular, which should be, but still isn't as reliable or affordable as wired telephony.

ArrayComm has also used its adaptive antenna technology to make the Internet "personal" by creating the i-BURST Personal Broadband System, which delivers high-speed, mobile Internet access that consumers can afford.

"It's very exciting to be part of a movement toward making broadband available to people with the same freedom to be anywhere that they have for voice communications today," said Martin Cooper. "People rely heavily on the Internet for their work, entertainment and communication, but they need to be unleashed. We will look back at 2003 as the beginning of the era when the Internet became truly untethered."

History of Table Mountain Cable Way

Since the first person laid eyes on Table Mountain, it has exerted its powerful and charismatic pull, enchanting and drawing any and all who fall under its spell.

The way to the top has never been easy, and for many centuries only a handful of bold and enterprising people could say that they had climbed it.

By the late 1870's, several of Cape Town's more prominent (and possibly less fit) citizens had suggested the introduction of a railway line to the top.
Plans to implement a proposed rack railway got under way but the outbreak of the Anglo-Boer war put a halt to the plans.

By 1912, with a strong desire to gain easy access to the top of Table Mountain, the Cape Town City Council commissioned an engineer to investigate the various options for public transport to the top.

The engineer, a Mr. H.M. Peter, suggested that a funicular railway running up from Oranjezicht through Platteklip gorge would be the most suitable option. A vote was held with the vast majority of Cape Town's residents voting in favour of the funicular. This, in spite of its cost, a staggering (in 1913) £100,000. The project was delayed yet again by war; this time the outbreak of the First World War (1914 - 1918).

The plan was resuscitated in 1926 after a Norwegian engineer, Trygve Stromsoe, presented plans for a cableway. The plan caught the collective eye of a group of eminent local businessmen. The idea that an easy route up would finally become a reality drew them together, forming the Table Mountain Aerial Cableway Company (TMACC) to finance the construction. Work began soon afterwards and the project was finished relatively quickly.

On the 4th of October 1929, the Mayor of Cape Town, Rev A J S Lewis, headed the official opening ceremony that was attended by over 200 other guests. Since it's opening, 75 years ago,over 15 million people have taken the trip to the top.

The cableway has since become something of a landmark in Cape Town, and has carried some of Cape Town's most illustrious visitors, including King George VI and Queen Elizabeth II, as well as Oprah Winfrey, Sting, Stefi Graf, Arnold Schwarzenneger, Magaret Thatcher, Prince Andrew, Micheal Schumacher, Brooke Shields, Micheal Buble, Tina Turner, Jackie Chan, Dolores O'Riordan, Skunk Anansie and Paul Oakenfold.

In 1993, Dennis Hennessy, the son of one of the founders of TMACC, sold the company.

The new directors immediately set about planning an upgrade to the existing infrastructure. Apart from upgrading the restaurants and machinery, new cars were purchased. Unlike their predecessors, the new cars, or Rotairs, have a revolving floor that allows passengers a 360-degree view of the city and mountain as they travel.

Work on the upgrade began in January of 1997 and, for several months cranes and the comings and goings of large helicopters carrying building materials dominated the mountain skyline.
The new cableway was officially opened on the 4th of October 1997, the anniversary of the original launch, almost 70 years previously.The Table Mountain Aerial Cableway Company celebrated its 75th anniversary in October 2004 and greeted its 16 millionth passenger in December of the same year. It remains the most popular tourist attraction in Cape Town.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Cape Town's history . How it all began

First evidence of man

Cape Town history begins with the oldest evidence of modern man anywhere in the world, which has been discovered in the Cape. In 1994 human bones were found at a cave site on the coastline between Cape Town and Port Elizabeth. They were dated back 100,000 years. Similar discoveries have been made on the Cape Peninsula. At Langebaan on the West coast footprints belonging to a human female were dated back 117,000 years.
The Khoisan

The first human communities known to have lived close to Table Mountain were nomadic. They left evidence of their existence in the form of rock art, the oldest of which has been dated back 27,000 years. The Khoisan descended from these communities. This group later became subdivided into the Khoi and the San. The Khoi people were bigger than the San and survived by herding sheep and cattle on the plains. The San Lived by hunting in the drier mountainous areas.

The First Explorers
The Portuguese were the first European seafarers to round the Cape in the 15th century. Their trade routes across Asia had become threatened so they sought to open a new sea trade route to the Far East around the tip of Africa. Bartholemew Dias landed in what is now known as False Bay in 1488 after unknowingly sailing past Cape Point in the midst of a storm. He spent some time mapping the area before returning to Portugal.

The 'Cape of Good Hope' was then named because it was seen as an ideal landfall location on the long sea route to Asia. Vasco de Gama was the next explorer to visit the Cape and the southern coast of Africa in 1497. His expedition of four ships opened a sea route to India for the spice trade. He was followed through the next century by more Portuguese and Spanish trading ships. The first Englishman to round the Cape of Good Hope in the late 16th century was Sir Francis Drake while being pursued by the Spanish fleet.

The early explorers mapped the coast of Africa, and opened the way for settlement of the Cape. They helped to influence the course of European and Southern African history. The Cape with its sheltered landfall at Table Bay became an essential landing stage on the trade route to the Far East. The city of Cape Town was established and this in turn opened up the interior of South Africa to European colonisation in later years.

The Dutch VOC Influence

English sailors landing at the Cape had reported that the resident Khoi were "ferocious" This was found not to be the case by seamen from the Dutch East India Company (VOC) who first established a supply base at the Cape in 1650. The Dutch had been concerned that the British would annexe the Cape, so despite reports of rough Cape seas, Khoi aggression and various political influences, they eventually went ahead with building a permanent settlement.

A disgraced VOC merchant Jan van Riebeeck volunteered to establish the Cape supply base. He was ordered to build a Fort for defence, and a produce garden in order to supply passing company trade ships with fresh fruit and vegetables. Cape Town history, from these small beginnings, was to change for ever.

The First Dutch Settlement of the Cape - 1652

Jan van Riebeeck's job had been to set up a vegetable garden in order to supply passing ships with fresh produce. He was also ordered to build a moat encircled fort by his employers the VOC in order to defend against possible invasion by the British.
The various Khoi clans in the Cape Peninsula area were estimated to consist of around 6000 people at the time. They shared the available land between the clans but constantly moved on in a nomadic fashion. They had initially accepted the encroachment of the Dutch on the lands peacefully. The Khoi farmed cattle and sheep which were seen as an indication of status. These animals were also used for trading between clans.

When food supplies were found to be insufficient to meet the needs of both passing ships and his men, Van Riebeeck attempted to trade with the Khoi people but this turned out to be largely unsuccessful. The VOC allocated plots of land to a number of van Riebeeck's men in order to build farms and improve the supply of food. The Khoi were slowly cutoff from their traditional land and the settlers took their livestock for food. As a result their relationship with the settlers slowly soured, they became hostile and war resulted.
Eventually in the 1670s the Khoi clans disintegrated. They could not match the guns of the settlers who were encroaching on their territory, and they could no longer protect their livestock. Many escaped to higher ground to join the San. Some were imprisoned on Robben Island and a few elected to work for the new farmers who became known as 'burghers' or 'boers'.
The First Slaves

The infrastructure for the VOC base at the Cape was slowly being expanded by the Dutch settlers. It soon became apparent that more manpower would be needed to complete the various projects, which could not be obtained from the Khoi, so van Riebeeck requested the VOC to send slave labour from their bases at Ceylon, India and Indonesia. Others were shipped to the Cape from Madagascar and Mozambique. This decision was to lead to the establishment of the Moslem and Malay community in Cape Town and set the course of Capetown history. A total of 60,000 slaves were brought in between 1658 and 1807.

The Beginning of Cape Town

The VOC had instructed Jan van Riebeeck that a trading post was all that they required and that a town should not be built at the Cape of Good Hope. His farmers and soldiers had other ideas however and persuaded van Riebeek to allow them to develop trade skills and professions. Eventually when van Riebeeck left in 1662 to take up a VOC post elsewhere, a number of shops, taverns and boarding houses had been built on a grid of streets which became known as 'Cape Town'. A few years later the old fort was demolished and a stone castle built which became the Governor’s residence. Jan van Riebeeck had laid the foundations for the diverse multi-ethnic society which developed in later years and for which he would always be remembered.

Simon van der Stel

Here is a name that is well remembered in Cape Town and beyond. By 1679 the VOC had seen the potential of colonising the strategic Cape region. They sent Simon van der Stel to expand the community and develop farms and settlements. Van der Stel established the first wine farm in the Cape Groot Constantia which continues to produce quality wines, and he brought in wine farmers to plant vineyards in the surrounding Cape areas which were named Paarl, Stellenbosch and Franschoek.

The Cape Peninsula and Winelands were widely colonised by 1700. Wide tracts of land and businesses were allocated to immigrants from Holland. Manual work was accomplished by the use of slave labour. The settlement was not yet recognised as an official 'colony' except by the VOC at this stage and although it had a hospital it did not yet provide for formal schools and churches.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

What is the Easter Bunny

The Easter Bunny is usually considered to be a benevolent, vaguely supernatural creature that brings gifts to good boys and girls. Today these gifts are usually in the form of chocolate Easter eggs.

The origin of the Easter Bunny probably goes back to the festival's connection with the pagan goddess Eostre. Eostre (sometimes spelt Oestre) was a fertility goddess from whom we derive the word "oestrogen" and she is closely associated with fertility symbols such as eggs. The rabbit is known as a highly fertile creature and hence an obvious choice for Easter symbolism.

In fact the use of a rabbit is probably a mistake - the Easter "bunny" is more likely to be a hare, since it is the hare that is usually considered the sacred creature of Eostre. Hares have been considered sacred by many cultures inclusing the ancient Egyptians who believed them to watch the moon during the night. Although hares and rabbits are related they are most definitely different creatures, as a certain Bugs keeps reminding us!

The earliest known reference to our modern Easter Bunny tradition appears to be from 16th century Germany. In the 18th century, German settlers to America brought the tradition with them. The Bunny was known by them as Oschter Haws (or Osterhase) and brought gifts of chocolate, candy and Easter Eggs to good children. Often children would make up nests for Oschter Haws, sometimes using their Easter bonnets, and the Bunny would leave his treats there.

Fewer children today have bonnets or build nests, however it is common in some places for the Easter Bunny to scatter and/ or hide its treats for the children to find on an Easter egg hunt. A Bunny costume is a also popular suit for the festivities.

The idea of a giant supernatural rabbit that lays millions of chocolate eggs in one night is, of course, incongruous and ridiculous. Fortunately that is no problem for the imaginations of young children.

Lucky them.

Monday, March 17, 2008


From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

One of the most widely used of the anti-aphrodisiacs, Curry is made by grinding the African vampire worm Curridus to a pulp, drying the remains and chopping them into a fine red or yellow powder. It is a poison used by Third World shamans in Central Europe to eliminate friends. It is supposed to be good with chips and a beer, though it tastes better on the way up than it did on the way down. Curry gets its pungent flavor from Flavor beans found far, far away in Parapa Palace. Defeat the Horseman who lives there and find a candle.


While the real origins of curry remain unknown, it has been claimed that it was invented around the birth of Jesus by the three Wise Men, who bought gold, frankincense, and two Vindaloos with all the gubbins and a garlic Naan. This ensured that the baby Jesus's first night was comfy cosy, and redolent with the smell of vindafart, the true sign of maximum divinity. Since then, curry has been mentioned regularly in history for its ability to cure the common cold and tame wild geese, who find curry suppositories quite soothing. It is also the main food for the Khadri residence and can be found in most British homes, where it is the official National Dish. The atrocious smell can kill in extreme conditions. That's the smell of the curry, not the smell of the homes, although with some people it's difficult to tell.

Different Tastes

Curry is quite tasty, especially in comparison to the bland American "food". Dishes like chicken tikka masala were made for the white people in Britain.

Curry in Britain Traditional rock festivals love to serve lentil curry as it is a stimulant for rocking. Scientists believe that by inserting hosepipes up the rectums of all hippies at Glastonbury, it would be possible to solve Britain's dwindling natural gas reserves.

Unfortunately, nobody is willing to get that close to a hippy's arse.Curry, or Indian food in general, has been declared the National Dish of Great Britain, narrowly overtaking Crumpets, Fish and Chips, Class A Drugs and Kangaroo. It became popular due to large numbers of Indian immigrants, and celebrity chef Jamie Oliver's attempts to get it on the menu of national school dinners due to its high nutritional value and low calorie content. It is believed that curry has been used to drive away the British and others trying to conquer India.

Traditionally young Britons of a certain age go out and order Vindaloo, one of the spiciest known Indian foods, as a rite of passage. This is why Britain is populated by 6" rugby players, who are usually the only survivors. The fatality rate increases drastically if this challenge is attempted sober.

An adult British male spotted eating any Korma is considered automatically gay and summarily beaten up and raped by his "not gay" Rugby playing communists.

Curry Sauce

Staple food of the poor man, great with Kebabs, Chip-dipping and Prawn Crakers (Shrimp Chip or Shrimp Cracker). Usually sold by Chinese restaurants and German markets where a dipping-chilli is supplied.


Granny Lucifer's chilli sauce is popular amongst masochists in all countries that haven't yet banned it.Poop is to curry what heroin is to marijuana, although somewhat more expensive. Chilli addicts start off taking curry just for kicks, but soon find it can no longer deliver the high they needed, so they take chilli instead. The strongest type - Malaysian Death Chilli - is so hot that if someone not used to it were to even look at a bowl of noodles containing just one single drop their head would immediately turn into a supernova. And that really, really hurts. It is said that, in Peruvia (or Argiebargietina or somewhere else in the country of Southamerica) there is a chilli so hot that locals mix it with water and use it to strip the paint off cars. But this is not true because, as everyone knows, Southamerica is a mythical country that does not really exist.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Cape Town the Mother City

This is taken from Uncyclopedia which is a content-free encyclopedia and is very obviously sheer genius.

"The only thing that the Cape should be hosting is an invasion”
~ Gautengers on 2010
“Nothing would solve the problem of Cape Town as well as Global Warming.”
Al Gore on Cape Town
“There is no other place that I would rather be imprisoned for 20-odd years than on some island nearby.”
Nelson Mandela on Cape Town

Cape Town is a city on the coast of South Africa, so called because the wearing of capes or cloaks is compulsory within the city limits. Founded by Batman on his way to Melbourne in 1556, Cape Town is also called "The mother city", believed to be due to the highly expressive vocabulary of the local dialect (See: "your mother") and the cheap and nasty (but potent) local wine. A different school of thought believes the origin of the name lies in the fact that it takes 9 months for the local government to do anything about everything.


Cape Town is situated on a sandbar under Table Mountain (so called because unlike most mountains, it is flat and made entirely of wood) at the bottom end of Africa, on a peninsula that is often unfavourably compared to Florida, which is longer and thicker. As most Capetonians will tell you, it is where God (Jesus's Dad) was born.


Historically the region was of major significance to European sailors travelling the treacherous route to the Far East on foot. This gave rise to the naming of its southern most tip, The Cape of Good Hope. In the light of experience it was renamed "The Cape of Storms", and is now known as the "Cape of Good Dope". For many now and in the past The Cape of Good Hope was also believed to be the southern most tip of Africa, but it is, in fact, Cape Agulhas (named for the use of injectable drugs) that holds that title. Despite this known fact, the region still relies on this misconception to promote tourism in the area. The evolution of the name to The Cape of Good Dope would indicate the reasons behind this confusion. The terms "Kap a reef" form part of everyday speak in The Cape of Good Dope and many other parts of Cape Town.

The European settlement was founded in 1652 by the Dutch under Jan Van Reebock. However his successor, Simon ven der Merwe founded the Van Der Merwe dynasty that ruled until 1994.

Medical Science

Cape Town became famous for the first successful heart transplant operation at its "Big Shed" (Ghrütte Skhûr) Hospital by the Christian Barnyard Team. And so the medical professionals decided to branch out into other trail-blazing forms of transplant. Despite many, many attempts at brain transplants these have been unsuccessful in managing to transfer an entire human brain, instead giving rise to many prominent local politicians.

Another revolutionary medical discovery is the cure for HIV, as promoted by ANC Deputy President Jacob Zuma. After much in-depth research a cure to HIV was discovered which is both simple to administer and freely available - it is called "Showering" and involves standing under a flow of H2O and allowing these super nano-particles to magically remove the virus from inside the HIV sufferer. The highest success rate of this treatment is found in the HIV negative portion of the population.

HIV is not however to be confused with a completely different disease called AIDS, which is also simple to cure. This is another discovery by the South African Medical Council, an organisation made up of highly qualified and much respected "Traditional Healers". They found, through in-depth studies of their own, that in order to cure AIDS one should consume vast quantities of garlic, onion and beetroot, although the rubbing of lemon juice on infected parts is also believed to 'delay death'. Through the magic contained in these fruits and vegetables, they will cure the disease and prevent AIDS sufferers from coming anywhere near a person. The major exponent of these cures is Dr Man-to-Shabalala who received much acclaim in Canada recently when announcing these 'cures'.

It is also important to congratulate Dr Shabby La La further as she has recently also been taking seriously the problems of the skills shortage in the medical profession in SA by trying to get through as many livers as possible thus giving the new doctors as much practise as possible in transplant surgery. Unfortunately no transplant procedure exists for her other condition cirrhosis of the brain.


Cape Town is neither as wealthy nor as large as Johannesburg, so the inhabitants compensate with a superior attitude based on the claim that they were there first. Cape Town, however, has a great wealth of homosexual males. Some of the gay hotspots of the city include Sea Point, Green Point, and Camps Bay where many can be seen flaunting themselves in skimpy thongs while roller blading along the sea front road.

It is socially unacceptable for a Capetonian to talk to people that they have not previously talked to, which severely limits social interactions. If the opportunity should somehow present itself, a traditional Cape Town greeting is "Jou ma se poes", often abbreviated to "Jou ma", which means, roughly "Good day and good health to you and your good mother, sir!"

"Robin Island", in the bay, was named after Batman's faithful sidekick. Later it was renamed "Robbin' Island" and used as a jail, like Alcatraz but with colder water around it and more sharks in it. Nelson Mandela was imprisoned here for over 50 years, after being convicted of charges of failing to respect Prime Minister Koos van der Merwe's authority, and being black in a public place.

In 1994, after the revolution, it became legal to be black in a public place in Cape Town, but severe inequality still persists due to the fact that the white people still have most of the money, the best land, and big shiny German cars. Efforts to redress this historical imbalance are progressing well, particularly the "muggem" initiative.

Urban hazards include roaming lions, hyenas, crocodiles, the occasional hippopotamus in the rivers, great white sharks, agressive street vendors, tigers, three-headed giant mutant African wombats and the local "bergies". Watch out for endemic HIV, tuberculosis and leprosy.
It is compulsory for all tourists to leave Cape Town with at least one wooden curio in the shape of a giraffe.

An insult often heard between brawling "Bergies" is: "Jou ma is a boesman" which literally translated means "Your mother is a bushman!" This is regarded as the most derogatory thing you can say to another Capetonian though ironically, the statement carries a high probability of being factually correct.


Major industries include growing the cash crops of wine and marijuana, making mousetraps, drug abuse, homosexuality, watching paint dry, petty crime and mugging tourists. Cape Town holds the record as the site of the largest car park in Cape Town.

Since 2006, the town council of Cape Town has embraced an "Amishisation" policy, and has turned its back on the use of electricity, declaring it a decadent bourgeois luxury. Electricity is slowly being phased out in a series of "power cuts", and it is to be replaced by the use of candles, paraffin lamps and fires for illumination and sing-alongs for entertainment.

Local dialect

gam dala - language spoken by kaapse flets mense
dala jou numba - pick up line
handgaffel - masturbate
broo - a brother or other friend
blom - walk around in malls & other places of blom
lum - lay around on the beach & other lum places
skut - drive around in cars that are very low to the ground
entjie - cigarette or other smokeable rollup
bergie - A rugged urban outdoorsman. They drink a fine local beverage called "meths"
robot - traffic light
ses - someone who steals
yali - smoker's favourite statement
boeka - eat at night
Ayz - spoken by some
horrok - roll, vienna and chips
gatsby - bigger roll than horrok
farmstall - bigger than gatsby
zol - a potent green tobacco substitute
dagga - a smokeable grassy weed
kinnes - girls
pote - police persons
grot - ugly female (also sometimes: gruk, greveldonkie, grafsteen)
rakam spuiker - uglier than a grot
koebus doring - uglier than above mentioned two. just shoot the bitch!
slums - muslims. Sometimes called "mozzies" by rich middle-aged white women
hosh - a salutation of sorts
Gam - Half-white , Half-black knife bearing thug. Often lacking in front teeth (which has resulted in a dialect comparable to "Leet Speak")
aweh - hello good sir

Famous Capetonians

Thabo Mbeki - Mr Prez
Nelson Mandela - Reported to be THE batman
Najwa "Who's jou Tatie Nou?!" Petersen - Peace Embassador of Cape Town
Helen Zille - Miss South Africa 2006
Donna "Darkpussy" Vos - Queen of All Witches and True Ruler of South Africa (she "throws the bones" for Mr Prez)

Monday, February 25, 2008

Star Signs

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you can be very annoying.

PISCES (Feb 19 - Mar 20)

You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are kind of a wimp.

ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)

You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You can be a real meany.

TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)

You are practical and persistent. You have dogged determination and work like crazy. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are secretly a Communist.

GEMINI (May 21 - Jun 20)

You are quick and intelligent and a thinker. People like you because you like to test the waters before you dive in. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. You tend to withhold your emotions and your money.

CANCER (Jun 21 - Jul 22)

You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are spineless. You are an excellent procrastinator. That is why you will always need a better job and still won't have money in the bank.

LEO (Jul 23 - Aug 22)

You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo people tend to steal from others and kiss mirrors a lot.

VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sep 22)

You are the logical type and hate disorder. This is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while being romanced. Virgos make good professional closet organisers.

LIBRA (Sep 23 - Oct 22)

You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent. Both Libra men and women make good interior designers and marry often.

SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)

You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. Most Scorpio people are plagued by lawsuits or jail sentences when the people they took advantage of vow revenge.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)

You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have little talent. The majority of Sagittarians enjoy escapism. People laugh at you a lot because you're always getting burned.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19)

You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chicken. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You may as well bury your head in the sand.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Zimbabwe Inflation

Zimbabwe bank issues $10million bill - but it won't even buy you a hamburger in Harare.

Forget the glitzy restaurants of New York and London: only in Zimbabwe would a hamburger actually cost millions of dollars.

The central bank of the southern African country has a issued a 10million Zimbabwe dollar note. The move increases the denomination of the nation's highest bank note more than tenfold.
Even so, a hamburger in an ordinary cafe in Zimbabwe costs 15 million Zimbabwe dollars.

The hope is that such a move will help end chronic cash shortages and disperse long, chaotic lines at banks and automated teller machines.

Reserve Bank Governor Gideon Gono said in a statement the 10 million Zimbabwe dollars notes will be issued along with 1 million and 5 million Zimbabwe dollars bills.

Previously, the highest existing note, introduced last month, was for 750,000 Zimbabwe dollars.
The new 10 million note is the equivalent of about £2 at the dominant black market exchange rate. A hamburger at an ordinary cafe costs about 15 million Zimbabwe dollars (£3). That hamburger has trebled in price this month amid shortages of bread, meat and most basic goods.

Zimbabwe faces the world's highest official inflation of an estimated 25,000 per cent. Independent financial institutions say real inflation is closer to 150,000 per cent.

Acknowledging the inflation crisis, Gono said individuals would be allowed to withdraw an increased limit of 500 million Zimbabwe dollars (£100) in a single daily withdrawal, up from 50 million (£10).

He said special arrangements were being made to pay soldiers, police and other uniformed services "because it is not desirable to see them queuing for cash".
Gono said with higher denomination bills businesses might be tempted to again raise prices of scarce goods.

"If this happens the whole objective of solving the cash shortages and to bring convenience to the people will be defeated," he said.

In August 2006, the central bank slashed three zeros from the nation's old currency